Grace on the night shift

It’s 4 in the morning and I’m working, and I’m loving it.  How crazy is that?  I never would have guessed that I’d enjoy working nights.  The staff here on nights is so much more laid back.  Even the physcians are easier to talk to.  I’m so relieved.  It isn’t that it’s not still scary sometimes… I’ve had bad nights already, and I’m sure there’s more to come.  But I could not have pictured a more supportive learning environment for me to get back into the regular workforce.  I’m laughing, all the time, amidst the occasional tears. 

The other night was a very bad night… I had two difficult patients and one difficult family to deal with.  I left in tears, thinking that I couldn’t possibly do this job.  I couldn’t do it good enough, I was a failure, and I might as well quit.  When I returned to work two nights later, my educator pulled me into her office before my shift even started.  I was thinking, ‘Here it comes, I’m gonna get chastised.’  But she said she only wanted to tell me that the bad night I had was no reflection on how good of a nurse I was.  She said the only mistake I can really make is not asking for help when I need it.  I started crying I was so relieved.  Sometimes it’s very difficult to silence the condemnation in my own mind, and hear what’s true on top of the lies.  But she did that for me… and I’ve been flying ever since.  She also said that she’s heard ONLY good things about me, and she wants me to go off of orientation after tonight’s shift!  I’m glad about that.  I think even in the midst of my fears, I’m ready to be on my own.

So continued prayers are appreciated… this journey is not yet over!  I can see God’s hand so clearly though in picking the perfect job for me.  I love it here.