Hard Work

It’s been a while since I’ve posted here… I have a real job now and I have no time!  That’s what it feels like anyway.

I thought I was good at giving myself grace.  Well, not good, but at least better than I used to be.  But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to be reminded that I don’t have to be perfect at this new job!

Health care is a funny thing.  Human beings caring for other human beings, where any little breakdown in communication or human error can cause harm or death.  Ugh.  Recipe for stress.

I’m so glad for this job.  It’s perfect for this stage of my life.  It’s not ICU (which I admit I’m already missing sometimes), but it’s pretty darn close.  And the staff is so supportive.  I feel like I’ve entered into a new little community, at least in regards to my work.  It’s just perfect.  Who do you think set that up?  Hmmm…

Waiting sucks.  And it’s hard.  But this was worth the wait.  I like what my sister said recently about looking at things in the light of eternity (you can link to her blog on the right).  This job is hard, but it’s just the right fit.  God knew.  He just wanted me to wait for His timing.

I’m running into issues and problems I never anticipated.  I think I was so dissociative when I was working before that I stayed mostly unaware of what was happening inside.  But I can’t do that anymore.  My prayers lately are along the lines of asking God to hold back my parts until I can safely deal with their memories at home.  I had no idea how much my nursing job was triggering me when I was working six years ago.  What grace I had!  I’m dealing with it now, but dang.  This is hard.

In the midst of all this, I have so much hope for others who struggle with their past.  Sometimes I want to shout out that ‘disability’ is not necessarily a forever term!  God is fully able to restore everything that’s been lost, including the ability to work.  I don’t want anyone to settle for anything less that what He wants.  Is it easy?  No.  Linda asked me a while back what was the number one thing besides God that contributed to my healing.  I answered without even thinking: hard work.  Healing is hard work!  But God is a rewarder of those who earnestly seek Him.  Don’t give up.  His plans for you are more than you can even think to ask for or imagine.

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